Friday 19-01-2018 - 14:57

There were many reasons I wanted to lead the It’s OK campaign alongside Lily this year.  

One — I made a commitment in my manifesto that, if elected, I would focus my mental health plans around men’s mental health. Two — my friend took his own life. I struggled to come to terms and understand why he had done what he had done, but over time, I came to realise that it doesn’t matter now why he did it, it’s how can I help in preventing it happening to anyone else. Males make up a heart-breaking 75% of suicides each year, with suicide being the leading cause of death in males under 45. The third reason comes from witnessing the plethora of issues students face in their day-to-day life from my experience of being a Residential Advisor last academic year.

Halls are the most common place for students to make life-long friends. Because of this, you may end up talking openly about your struggles and most of the time, you might not know what to say. One of my aims this year is to provide ‘Look After Your Mate' training. It’s not so you know how to become a councillor for your friend, it’s for you to know the right thing to say or even to be comfortable in saying “that sounds really difficult, do you want to talk about it?”

In the lead up to our Well Funny events in Manchester and Crewe, hosted by Liverpool’s The Comedy Trust for our It’s OK campaign, I wanted to talk to students and staff who identify as male to get their thoughts on what they think society's definition of a man is, and their own personal experiences with mental heath. They are the co-writers of this blog by sharing their stories. The aim of the events are to raise awareness of the issue, the services we offer and make men more than just a statistic in a report.

The students and staff who have contributed to this blog all have different life experiences and come from different backgrounds. Here’s what they had to say about what they think society's definition of a man is, and why they think it’s important that we talk about men’s mental health:

 

Owen Jones, Activities Manchester: “To me, being a man is about shouldering responsibility. It’s hard, looking out for friends & family. Quite often, I forget to think about myself and ask ‘"am I ok". But often I don’t have time to worry about that. As a man, I have to be ok because I am the man. I’m the one expected to look out for everyone. And sometimes I’m not ok. It’s these times that I need to realise that speaking about it is ok and that it’s not weakness. Seeking help is not weakness. It’s brave. It’s ok.”

 

Lewis Givvons-Collings, Treasurer of Giggle Dungeon: “For me, society’s definition of being a man is about keeping emotions to yourself and not letting them show as it’s seen as a weakness. You must be physically and emotionally strong and I think it’s important that we talk about men’s mental health. My mum passed away during the summer before I started Year 10. I sat a psychology exam in college but started scratching myself and the teachers had to take me out. It was then I found out I had anxiety when it manifested into a full-blown panic attack. I didn’t cry until I was 17 and felt comfortable enough talking with my girlfriend. I went through therapy with the charity MIND and their services are invaluable. I had 6 fortnightly sessions all over the phone for a 12 week period. My Dad is now getting married and I’m his best man. He’s found that talking to his fiancée has really helped. Talking about your mental health and your struggles doesn’t make you weak, it makes you stronger.”
Lewis has offered himself as an ear for anyone who is struggling and encourages you to contact him or ask for help.

 

Callum Dwyer, Axis Box Office: “One of the problems that we face is that even when most men open up about their mental health, they only speak to the female people in their lives (mother, wife, sister) and so it reinforces society's idea that having emotional or mental difficulties is still a feminine thing. If we are going to really progress to a place where the stigma of men's mental health begins to be lifted, we need more men speaking to other men. Men need to be able to speak to each other about their mental health, about their emotional difficulties and not feel judged.”

 

Daniel Mee, Chair of Giggle Dungeon: “I come from a theatre background and I either feel like men in theatre must be the ‘Zac Efron’ ideal or funny. I see a lot of similarities in theatre written in the 1950’s to today’s definition of masculinity. The writing of the 50’s shows men as aggressive and breadwinners and I think a lot of those traits are still expected from men today. Things like dating apps don’t help. You only see face value instead of someone’s actual personality. If you don’t look a certain way, people aren’t interested. It’s important to talk about men’s mental health because men don’t always have the support that other genders do. Talking about mental health can just be taken as a passing comment instead of something serious. The man that will listen doesn’t want to show empathy and the bloke that is speaking doesn’t want to ‘lose his pride’. I’m seeing it less and less but men are very proud. Talking about men’s mental health can redefine what it means to be a man. You don’t have to play sport, have a six pack and go on loads of nights out to be a man.”

 

Annonymous: "I think it is extremely important that men talk about mental health. As someone who has struggled recently with mental health, I initially didn’t want to open up to anyone. I didn’t want to be seen as weak for talking about my feelings, and kept it all bottled up and made a lot of decisions that I regret, including self harm. After this incident, I opened up and talked to my friends, and it was the best decision I made. Everyone was very supportive and it helped me getting everything off my chest and being able to talk. No one thought any different of me, and I wish I had spoken to people sooner! Now I would encourage anyone that is struggling to talk to someone, and get things off their chest."

 

Jack Ward, Chair of Genesis Theatre: "My personal view is that there are a lot of pressures placed on boys at a young age that shape their adulthood. I’ve recently been reading a book by Robert Webb called ‘How Not To Be A Boy’. It's a very funny and emotional read about the pressure men are under to live up to this idea of the ideal man. I relate a lot to what Webb talks about in the book, as I’ve experienced and also thought a lot of what he discusses in the book about his own life up till now. I think the perfect description of society's views on men are the titles Webb gives to each individual chapter of the book.

They go as following:

Boys Can’t Get Enough Of Dad
Boys Aren’t Shy
Boys Love Sport
Boys Are Brave
Boys Are Never Teacher’s Pet
Boys Don’t Fall in Love (with other boys)
Boys Are Not Virgins
Boys Don’t Cry
Men Are Organised
Men Don’t Take Themselves Too Seriously
Men Don’t Need Therapy
Men Understand Women
Men Are Good at Directions
Men Know Who They Are

I myself have felt or still feel the need to live up to these titles otherwise I won’t be a considered a man. I’m a mother's boy. I’m not alway confident (especially in difficulty and uncomfortable situations I go quite quiet and lock myself away in my thought) I used to have Sky Sports on my phone to help with conversation with other boys. While I do my best to be brave I not always am, leading me to bottle myself and my feelings away resulting in me being sad, depressed and angry. Instead I resort to being fun, as that is my safe zone where I retain control. I’ve enjoyed my teachers and I enjoy my lectures and the work which we do. I’ve fallen in love (nearly everyday of the week), I haven’t fallen in love with a boy (but give it time) I was a virgin till I was 19. I’ve viewed sex and still do as a bizarre form of currency, with the need to have a lot of it to fit in, be successful and most importantly be considered normal. I’ve only had sex with 2 different people, so in society's view I’m short-changed. I’ve cried. I’m not always organised. I’ve got no clue about who I am, but I’m working it out as I go along."

 

Tyler Horsfield, Vice-Chair of Giggle Dungeon: "I’ve never personally had an issue with being masculine nor have I ever has a masculine pressures from anyone. I’ve found I can just be myself. I’ve always been friendly and comfortable with girls or guys. Regardless, I think we definitely should be talking about mental health in men. I’ve always been the happy smiley guy but when things get serious I need to pretend I’m ok. You don’t have to put on a façade for someone else’s sake and you don’t have to be ok all the time."

 

 

We also have our It’s OK to Talk sessions which are there to break down barriers in talking about mental health and for meeting people in similar situations to you so you feel less alone. Keep an eye out for the next sessions coming soon.

 Let’s ends the stigma surrounding mental health and tell ourselves that it really is ok to talk.

 

Amie x